Chapter Twenty Six: Waiting out the Storm

I often hear comments from friends and family telling me not to give up. I’m almost ready for my forth embryo transfer and they are trying to encourage me to keep on going with treatments, and comfort me by saying one of them will surely work out. We are definitely going to use all four of the embryos we have left, but there are no guarantees or assurances from the doctors. I don’t know what we will do if they all fail to implant, but we will be forced to try something different. 

I can understand why people “give up” trying to conceive a baby, even when they have the financial means to keep going and a strong desire for pregnancy. That’s something I didn’t understand about infertility when I started this journey. Giving up sounds like a bad thing but stopping infertility treatments can actually be a really good thing. 

Why? I think everyone has a breaking point (although I’m not there yet). Infertility is a massive tornado of shittiness that breaks people. With infertility, you spend your life consumed with it and it can swallow all your joy. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop imagining that a rainbow will come. The thin strand of hope at some point becomes so unlikely that it’s no longer worth chasing. 

Instead of chasing what seems unattainable you can choose to stop where you are and make the best of the life you already have. Why would you stop when you’ve been trying for years and success may be just around the corner? Because life is short and you don’t want to spend it waiting out the storm. There’s no doppler radar to tell you how long it will last. Stopping shuts the door on rainbows which of course is sad; but it does bring a patch of sunny sky. After a long storm, that option starts to look ok. It’s not good to spend your days trapped inside, gazing out the window for a rainbow to appear. Dreams for your future change and that’s healthy. 

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14 thoughts on “Chapter Twenty Six: Waiting out the Storm

    1. I love your posts! This one really touched me. Maybe it’s because I am tired of marking exams and I am exhausted. Maybe it’s because you talk about limits with no judgment.
      My heart and all my love surrounds you! Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Aunt Jo πŸ™‚ as a fellow infertile that means so much!
      Great! I have no idea why it only sometimes works. I have no idea what most of the settings do for blogging. Technology is not my strongest skill

      Like

  1. Your strength is so strong, are love for you and Bendin is there. I do not think any words can say the right thing. So we keep the both of you in our thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well said. Before I embarked on this journey I also thought it seemed strange that a couple might “give up” after one failed IVF for instance. Once I actually went through IVF myself and realised how hard it is physically and emotionally, I could totally get why some people might be done after one go. Or two or whatever it is. There comes a point where you have to stop going through treatments for your own sanity and to get your life back. That’s not “giving up” but deciding to take control of your life back.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi!! I’ve sat this morning and read through your blog, your story is incredible. Amazing that you have your sister to turn to for eggs, I’m just so sorry that you haven’t had the success yet. I’ve had 3 failed cycles and am now deciding whether to try one last time or move onto other options. I had coffee with a lady the other day who chose to stop treatment after numerous transfer fails and is now living childless. What I saw was such incredible strength from her to stand up and say – this is what I want more than anything else in the world, but I can no longer keep destroying my mind and my body with this treatment. That decision is so hard, and I don’t think my husband or I are ready for it yet in honesty, but I’m starting to see it as less of a ‘giving up’ option and more of a ‘living your life’ option. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for a positive result for you on the next transfer. Take care of yourself πŸ’•

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your lovely comments 😊. I’m so sorry to hear that you are having failed cycles too. I’m 2dpt now; hoping for positive but I’m mostly just going through the motions. Wishing you success in whatever you decide to do next in your own journey. they are such tough decisions. Love to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww thank you. And the very best of all possible luck to you. My consultant says we should go for ‘cautiously optimistic’, to help get us through. A balance of realism and hope – if you can. Lots and lots of luck, love and positive energy to you πŸ€πŸ€žπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you so much for writing this, often people see deciding to stop having fertility treatment as a failure, but in fact it is the total opposite, its a way of saying, that’s it now, i need to protect my emotional, mental and physical health, and that is no negative thing at all! I hope you are well my love! Keep on posting!!

    Liked by 1 person

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